Top 10 “facts” about Peyton Manning’s 10-day-old Bronco career:
2. The earth’s largest, concussion-proof football helmet is being constructed there as we speak – both in navy and that hideous brown/white.
3. Peyton’s only response to Reggie Wayne’s congratulatory phone call was, “You’re dead to me.”
4. Peyton wouldn’t step foot in the Broncos locker room until it was completely fumigated from Jay Cutler’s “stank.”
5. John Elway mistook Ashley Manning’s tits for apples, leading to an uncomfortable moment in the stables.
6. Peyton greeted new defensive coordinator (and ex-Jags coach) Jack Del Rio by announcing “You’re still my bitch!”
7. Jim Irsay drunk-dialed Broncos owner Pat Bowlen to tell him “Don’t say I never did shit for ya…”
8. Center J.D. Walton’s balls are “badly chafed and raw” from Peyton’s obsession with perfecting the snap.
9. Tim Tebow shat in Manning’s locker before skipping town.
10. The rest of the Broncos complained, “We’re already tired of the fuckin’ Oreos.”